Beautiful

A few weeks ago, there was a big hubbub about a woman named Samantha Brick, who wrote a blog where she complained that being attractive was a burden because, surprisingly, women were sometimes mean to attractive women.  That’s not the interesting part. 

The interesting part is that this sparked outrage – OUTRAGE – in people, not because Samantha Brick said it, but because she had the nerve to consider herself attractive.  Even Barbara Walters weighed in, saying, “She’s not that beautiful.” 

That’s not really the interesting part.  The REALLY interesting part is that Jeff Hogan and Angela An, who happen to be newscasters on LOCAL MORNING TELEVISION in COLUMBUS, OHIO had the effing gall to weigh in on the topic.  Now let me be clear about something.  I get up really early in the morning, so I am basically watching my morning news at 4:25 am, when there is no news except what happened last night and what the weather might do to poor civilians.  Being the early morning newscaster sucks.  But worse than that, Jeff Hogan and Angela An are awful.  They replaced my most beloved Chuck Strickler and poor, dead Heather Pick, and the job that these clowns do is basically the same as opening up Heather Pick’s grave, picking up her bones, shaking them back and forth, and then kicking her head off.  No joke.  Jeff Hogan, with his horrible frost and tip job and ridiculous spray tan is a dunce who thinks he is a nutrition expert because he packs fruit snacks, and all Angela An can do is say this: “Ha!” whenever Jeff makes one of his mildly misogynistic, classists comments.  I am not even certain that these people went to college.

Anyway….so poor, possibly-beautiful-but-possibly-not Samantha Brick had the nerve to write a blog that no one even considered for its substance; they were too busy looking at her and saying, “How dare she feel that she is beautiful.”  I mean, that was the bottom line: it didn’t matter if what this woman said was valid, invalid, important, unimportant, true, untrue – none of that mattered.  All that mattered was that this woman dared to have positive self-worth.  How is this so important that it has to be on the news?  Can you imagine the lead in to that story?  “Woman erroneously claims beauty.”  So what? 

Now, true confession: I didn’t read the blog. First of all, I can hardly read, and second of all, I know for a fact that when I see a beautiful woman, I am desperately envious.  So I am guessing that her blog was true, whether or not Samantha Brick is the epitome of beauty.  I would like to have great hair, great skin, a great body and, a perfect smile.  But when I look in the mirror, I am consumed by the grotesqueness of my thunder thighs, my pointy elbows, my stupid curly hair, most of my face, and my big square teeth.  Since a young age, I have been showered with messages that I will not be acceptable unless I have Heidi Klum’s body, Angelina Jolie’s face, and Jennifer Aniston’s hair.  And if I dare to think otherwise, well then, Jeff Hogan and Angela An will be there, on a crappy morning news program, to pass judgment on me.  Jeff Hogan is such a stupid fucker.

(And I know that, at this point, someone reading this blog has already thought to herself, “Well,   Angelina Jolie isn’t that pretty.”  C’mon.  She is really weird, but she is gorgeous.)

So the bottom line is this: I think we do hate beautiful women because we all feel like we’ll never measure up, and that beautiful woman might steal the affection of our boyfriend, boss, best friend, or someone else who makes us feel secure.  And I don’t know what the cure is for that, but it’s not very productive, and it’s not very nice.  I really wish that, when there is a rare woman who feels enough confidence to say, “I am beautiful,” that the world would just stand up and say, “Good on you.  Keep up the good work.”