The Five Foods You'll Meet in Heaven

If you’ve known me for more than an hour, chances are that I’ve mentioned nachos at least once. I love nachos almost as much as I love my son and my dog. I’ve been living on my own since I was 17, and ever since then, nachos have been my personal mainstay. I don’t even get fancy with ‘em. Just load up a plate of chips, mix some Old El Paso vegetarian refried beans in with a couple of spoonfuls of salsa, cover it with an amount of cheese that would make a normal person want to throw up, shove it in the microwave, and when it comes out, douse it with some more salsa and a healthy dose of ranch dressing. If I had to choose one thing to eat for the rest of my life, this would be it.


I’ve been asking my friends what they would choose if they could only eat one thing for the rest of their lives, and I’ve heard answers ranging from chocolate covered strawberries to pizza. We all have our things, I guess. Here are my top five:

Nachos – obviously. Exactly as described above. Don’t knock the ranch dressing until you’ve tried it. I’m a Hidden Valley Ranch girl.

Sushi – Especially spicy tuna and spicy scallop rolls. It would have to come with all of the accoutrements – ginger, soy, wasabi – that might be part of the allure of sushi – I love that wasabi.

Peanut butter – It is a true and very unfortunate fact that, like an alcoholic who is in recovery, I cannot keep peanut butter in my home. When I do, I cannot stop chowing down on it, and peanut butter has approximately 1 million calories. I don’t even like the somewhat healthful kind – I am a Jif girl, and I like the creamy kind. I especially like my Jif on an apple (breakfast!) or on toast (lunch!) or on graham crackers (dinner!). But let’s not fool ourselves, I will sit with a spoon and just eat that stuff right from the jar.

Lox, bagels and cream cheese with capers, red onion, and a little dill – So delicious. Tangy and creamy and toasty and loxy. Normal people build a lox and cream cheese bagel with a light coating of cream cheese and one piece of lox on the bagel. Not me. There is no such thing as too much cream cheese or too many lox and I will elbow you out of the way to get mine. I am like the Jabba the Hut of the lox and cream cheese world.

Chocolate – The top four were easy. The five spot was much more difficult, as I also love salad, Brussels sprouts and beets. But in the end, I can’t live without my chocolate. Dark, milk, mixed with something, low end, high end….bring it. Literally. Bring it to my house. I want some.

Wow! This list is like a primer for obesity! And maybe Rickets! But, you gotta admit, it would be really delicious.