I Didn't Ask You About Your Minivan

I have a friend, and I would mention her by name, but it would probably make her get nervous and start sweating profusely, so I will just call her Trisha.  Trisha said this to the Facebook world the other day: “We are starting the search for an SUV.  Any suggestions?” 

In droves, her dumbass friends started talking about minivans. 

This is like saying, “Dear world, I am looking for a nice dog.  Any recommendations?” and having everyone respond telling you about their favorite cats. 

Why do people do this?  I have a couple of theories:

1)      People just want to hear their own voices.  It doesn’t matter if they are able to meaningfully contribute or not, they just need for you to understand that they are interested in talking, therefore, you’d best be interested in listening.  I think that this is one of those generational things where these people were told by their mommies that everything they did was special, so now they think that every statement that comes out of their mouth is magic fairy powder. 

2)      People have an unrelenting need to prove themselves right.  You are thinking of getting an SUV?  Well, I have a minivan, and therefore, that is the correct choice.  In order to make sure that I feel okay about the choice that I made, I need to convince you to make the same choice. 

3)      People resent that you might have the ability to do something different from them.  It is not fair that you get a cool, slammin’ SUV, when I am stuck with a piece of shit Windstar with a door that comes off of its track every other month.  Because of that, I need you to have the same crap that I have, so that my life doesn’t feel like it’s falling into a chasm of bad choices and sub-quality material goods.   If you have something better than me, that will mean that your life is better than mine, and I don’t know if we can be friends if your life is better than mine. 

I realize that I’m a little sensitive about this, but seriously, when someone asks you for a recommendation about something, they are not asking you for your stupid-ass treatise on Why the World Exists as It Does.  They are asking for a one sentence, on-topic opinion, and if you don’t have anything to say that is relevant, just shut the fuck up. 

 

OK, back to studying.