The Longevity Project

"Everybody has the ideas — don't stress, don't worry, don't work so hard, retire and go play golf. We did not find these patterns to exist in people who thrived." –Howard Friedman, psychology professor, University of California-Riverside

This is one of the findings from The Longevity Project, a 90-year study that followed 1,528 Americans, and included twenty years of research among experts in the field of psychology. This study exposed five myths about the secrets to longevity, but more importantly, it finally gave me the freedom to let my Type A freak flag fly. Here are the myths, and why I think they are awesome.

Myth No. 1. Thinking happy thoughts reduces stress and leads to a longer life – Do you remember that Facts of Life episode where a self-defense expert showed the girls how to fend off an attacker using a Tootsie Pop stick? I got the message loud and clear: no matter where you are, find your Tootsie Pop stick, because you never know when you’re going to have to poke someone in the kidneys with it. The study goes as far to say, “Neuroticism was health-protective.” Hooray!

Myth No. 2. Gardening and walking aren't enough to keep you healthy – My mother claims that exercise kills, but this is the same woman who, at age 77 belongs to a bowling league and regularly does water aerobics. While it doesn’t hurt that my mother is made out of brillo pads and Irishness, part of the secret to her vigor is remaining active. The best part of this portion of the study is that it’s not suggesting that you have to enlist Jillian Michaels or follow through with that P90X that has been glaring at you from on top of your DVD player. It is simply saying that you just need to stay off of the couch.

Myth No. 3. Lighten up; being serious is bad for you – The study states that "qualities of a prudent, persistent, well-organized person,” are the greatest indicators of longevity. I am so glad to hear that, because I am tired of tattooed, sandal wearing, chronically late, “free spirits” being lauded. I think “free spirit” is code for, “not good at regular stuff,” and those people are just a bunch of jive turkeys in my book. Also: I love to write lists, and I love people who write lists. Like Santa. And, like Santa, if I made a list, I would check it not once, but twice. Some people call that obsessive-compulsive. I call it good clean fun.

Myth No. 4. Take it easy and don't work so hard. You'll live longer – The other day, my friend Jay said to me, “You’re just a doer. You always have been.” Word, Jay. I come from a long line of doers, including my mother who had eight children, worked full time, cooked delicious meals, sewed all of our recital dresses, was a regularly published writer, and DID VOLUNTEER PUPPET SHOWS FOR OLD PEOPLE AND CHILDREN IN HER SPARE TIME. AND SHE MADE THE PUPPETS! So it’s no wonder that I was born devoid of the ability to do anything as a hobby. But, if you’re like me, then you have embraced the part of yourself that can’t just enter a 5K, but has to PR in it. The part that keeps up your calligraphy skills “just in case” (of what, I am not sure. Just in case it suddenly becomes 1776 again, I guess). You are the type who laughs ruefully at the poor souls who think they’re busy because they have to navigate the grocery store after work. In my world, not only do I have to try my best at everything, but I still have to be able to come up with a good Kurt Vonnegut quote on demand, recognize all songs by The Who by the first three notes, type at least 85 words a minute, know every position player for the Yankees going back to 1997, and play Chopin waltzes flawlessly. I’m sure you have your list, too. We are going to live forever!

Myth No. 5. Get married and you will live longer – I wrote a whole post about this, so I’m not going to go back into it, but I would simply like to add this: Ha! I knew it!