Goodbye, 2010!

Welcome to 2011, friends! Since the year is fresh and unformed, I’d just like to take a moment to reflect on the late, great 2010. I will miss you, 2010, and all your kooky midterm elections, apocalyptic weather and hilarious Dancing with the Stars scandals.

Here are a few things that 2010 taught me:

1. “I’d like my life back,” is not a reasonable response to an oil crisis.
2. No matter how irritated you were about the word “whatever,” you did not have it as bad as the Haitians.
3. If someone is brave enough to die for his or her country, most of us are okay with that person being openly gay.
4. Americans still don’t get what the big fucking deal is about soccer. Sorry, World Cup.
5. Surprised kitties are HILARIOUS!
6. LeBron? Kind of a douchebag.
7. Everyone has seen The Roots play somewhere, even if they don’t know it. Hell, we all probably actually know someone who is now or has been in The Roots. Just Google them. You’ll see.
8. I guess…uh….Lindsay Lohan has a drug problem? Or something?
9. As much as we act like our Presidents are taking us directly to hell in a handbasket, the top three most admired men in America: 1) Barack Obama 2) George W. Bush 3) Bill Clinton.
10. Third most admired woman in America? Oprah Winfrey.
11. The people in the NCAA are seriously a bunch of fucking idiots.
12. Americans really only have a tolerance of about 2 hours to hear about disasters in other countries (Haiti, Pakistan, India, Chile) but, by God, if we have to sit on a runway for more than an hour, we consider it tantamount to kidnapping.
13. The jury is still out on whether there should be one space after a period in writing or two. Thanks, Trisha!
14. Regardless of what you think of Julian Assange, we can all agree that he is really ugly.
15. News organizations are biased! Yes! And they will take comments out-of-context to score political points! No, I am totally serious! Sorry you had to find out the hard way, Shirley Sherrod.
16. Although we were royally pissed off at Toyota’s cover-up of their quality control issues, it was pretty cool that their president’s last name is Toyoda.
17. Sometimes it snows on the east coast! And the people of Philadelphia have FINALLY been called out for being the wusses they are! Philly Cheesesteak, indeed!
18. “I’m not a witch,” won’t win you a seat in Congress.
19. If the Apple company sold shit in a can, we would buy it because it would be TOTALLY AWESOME!
20. Dogfighting? Forgivable. Rape? Forgivable. Cheating on Sandra Bullock? Not so damn fast.
21. We don’t want Bret Michaels to die. At least not right now.
22. Nobody is interested in watching a Texas/San Francisco World Series.
23. Somebody we love has spoken to us within the last 24 hours about how we need to sign up for Groupons, like, now.
24. Any fish that gets on the wrong side of Sarah Palin will get its fucking head bashed in. DIE, YOU HALIBUT!
25. You are probably being bullied right now.
26. And you probably have bedbugs.
27. This Facebook thing might just catch on.
28. Many of us are NOT OK with a mosque, ahem, community center near Ground Zero, but we are okay with a strip club, off-track betting kiosk, bar, Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds.
29. We are pretty convinced that all TSA workers are gay and that we are the hottest thing that gay TSA workers have ever seen.
30. Them Arizonians are racist!
31. Sexual harassment in the Jets organization: totally okay!
32. Health care for all has not brought on the apocalypse…..yet…