Calm the Hell Down

Fact: you probably suck at washing your hands.  In fact, I’m almost certain that you do.  A proper hand-washing involves scrubbing your hands as long as it takes to sing Happy Birthday To You twice.  That’s a long time, and you’re probably not investing it, you dirty dirtbag. 

I say that only because I am tired of hearing you freak your shit out about how an ASYMPTOMATIC nurse in Maine (where you most likely don’t live and perhaps have not even visited) is probably going to give you Ebola, when you, yourself, are a contaminated germ factory, hell-bent on spreading your own grody germs wherever you go.

Here’s the background: Kaci Hickox, who has an unfortunate name, but who is in other respects a SELFLESS HUMANITARIAN went to Sierra Leone, aka, not the Hyatt in Miami Beach, to treat Ebola patients.  In other words, she was merely living the words of Matthew 25:40: Whatever you did for the least of my brothers, you did for me.   So this SELFLESS HUMANITARIAN followed that call and did what you weren’t doing.  I’m pretty sure you were eating a hamburger instead.  While in Sierra Leone, this SELFLESS HUMANITARIAN did NOT contract Ebola. She tested negative for the disease, and like all people who DO NOT HAVE A DISEASE, she was allowed to move through the world.  Because that’s what disease-free people do. 

Sadly, she returned to the United States, where, in addition to being a SELFLESS HUMANITARIAN, she is also a citizen, with rights under the Constitution.  Which happens to have a rule about taking away peoples’ rights without due process. 

Now, to recap so far, this SELFLESS HUMANITARIAN followed protocol and did not contract Ebola.  She returned to the United States, where she is a citizen with full rights under the Constitution.  From there, she was isolated, and told she would have to remain under quarantine for 21 days.  Oh, and lies were spread about her being symptomatic, spread by an irresponsible, yelly Governor.  Now, you may think to yourself, “What’s the big deal?  Twenty one days isn’t that long.”  Really.  You can’t even stand at a sink for the time it takes to sing TWO RENDITIONS OF THE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU SONG TO PREVENT THE SPREAD OF DISEASE and you’re saying that this woman, who’s been doing Bible-quality shit in a goddamn third-world country because she is a SELFLESS HUMANITARIAN should remain in lockup, despite the fact that she is symptom free, and has a clear self-interest in monitoring her own health?  Give me a fucking break.

Fact: YOU are more dangerous than Kaci Hickox.  As noted above, you suck at washing your hands, and are, thus, a walking contaminant.  Despite that fact, you get to walk around all day, every day, spreading colds, flu, athlete’s foot, and whatever else disgusting shit you’ve got going on in your body.  It’s possible that you’re also one of those morons who can’t take five minutes of inconvenience to get a flu shot, which, by the way, not only protects YOU, but also protects old people and those with compromised immune systems from contracting something that could kill them.  You don’t give a shit if you kill someone with your dirty hands and your icky flu, but God forbid Kaci Hickox, a SELFLESS HUMANITARIAN who is ASYMPTOMATIC is able to go home.  Calm the hell down and just wash your hands.