All This is Possible Through Spanx

A couple of months ago, Sheryl Sandberg, who is the CEO of Facebook, was on 60 minutes talking about, among other things, women in the workplace. She wrote a book, called, Lean In, which I just finished reading. In the book, Sandberg asserts, apparently controversially, that the way that society and women view themselves affects how many women embrace and or pursue leadership roles – and we’re talking top leadership roles – in corporations. To grossly simplify Sandberg: women are taught to downplay their own ability and success in order to be more likeable, and to accept certain gross inequities as an expected part of the work atmosphere.

I’m not interested in being a top executive of anything, so I am not going to weigh in on whether that’s right/not right, true/not true, etc. I do know, however, that I am guilty of saying a number of things at work that men would never say. Just imagine these things coming out of a dude’s mouth:

1. I just got a promotion! You know what that means? New Shoes!

2. (To another man who just walked into a meeting): I love that suit. Brooks Brothers?

3. Ugh! The humidity really got to my hair in my corporate profile picture.

4. My boss is a feminist pig. She’s in the old girls network, and you know how they promote from within.

5. I was just credited with saving the company a million dollars? Well, I had a lot of help.

6. This sounds like a great opportunity, but I don’t want to outshine my wife.

7. I don’t know I’m the right person for that project. We’re thinking of starting a family.

8. My role in this was small.

9. I’m a husband and father first, and a career man second.

10. He’s the kind of guy who looks at your shoes and bag before he decides if he wants to listen to what you’re saying.

11. (To a friend): Yeah, my boss stares at my junk all the time, but what do you do? Some women are just like that.

12. Did that sound mean? I didn’t mean for it to sound mean.

13. You want me to plan a team outing? I know just the thing: let’s make candles!

14. I’d love to join you for lunch. Let me just change into my flip-flops.

15. I’m probably just going to work until we have kids. My wife really doesn’t want me to work after that.

16. I know this sounds weird, but I’m really good with numbers. And I’m blonde!

17. I don’t need to work, but I do - for clothes and vacations.

18. (To another man): People say things are different now, but we both know that if you want to get anywhere as a man, you have to work twice as hard, and be twice as smart as the women.

19. (When complimented on his suit): All this is possible through Spanx.

20. Golf? No thanks, I don’t play much and I don’t want to hold the rest of you back.