Best Olympic Athletes 1972 - 2008

Guess what?  I love the Olympics even more than the last time I told you I loved the Olympics.  I got the fever, people.  So, in honor of the feats of athleticism that are happening as we speak, I humbly offer the greatest Olympians of my era.  I happen to be thoroughly biased in favor of Americans, so to be fair, for each Olympics game, I created two “best of” categories: best American, and best in the rest of the world.  Let’s see how this goes: 

1972 – Munich

Best American – Mark Spitz, swimming. Dashing porn moustache, Amazing medal winning machine, and in a speedo! 
Best World – The Olympic Spirit – The tragic massacre of eleven members of the Israeli team was the blackest event in Olympic history.  Officials were faced with a horrible choice: either call off the remainder of the games to honor those who died, or continue the games to honor those who died. Ultimately, the Olympic committee determined that the games were a way to allow the athletes to support each other in their loss of fellow Olympic comrades, and to let the world heal together through the unity of sport. 

1976 – Montreal

Best American – Bruuuuuuuce.  Jenner, that is, decathlon.  This was back in the day when the decathlon was the thing.  Jenner, the best athlete in the world, also had the best hair in the world.  What in the hell happened?   
Best World – Nadia Comanici, gymnastics, Romania.  Fourteen years old, pigtailed, and the inspiration for the theme to the soap opera The Young and the Restless.  Look it up!  Lovely and spritely, she was coached by Bela Karolyi, the most colorful figure in all of gymnastics. He can make a person with a broken leg do a vault! 

1980 - Moscow

Best American – Psych!  The United States boycotted these games, which, for the record, I think sucks.  The Olympics are not about politics, they are about the fellowship of sport.  You suck, USA!
Best World – How in the hell would I know? I don’t even think they showed the games in the United States.  Seriously, you suck, USA!!!

1984 – Los Angeles

Best American – Joan Benoit, marathon.  And you’re like, “What?  Not Mary Lou? Not the men’s gymnastics team?”  No.  Joan is my freaking hero, guys.  She is the coolest, chillest runner ever. This was the first time there was a marathon for women. Before this, the marathon was considered “unhealthy” for women...because our uteruses fall out when we run and stuff.  Runner up: Carl Lewis.  He competed in, like, 30 events!  Long jump, all the relays, high jump, moose-hunting, rhythm gymnastics – you couldn’t escape his awesomeness. 
Best World – Nawel El Moutawakel, track and field, Morocco.  She was the first female Olympian in a Muslim nation to win a medal, and also won the first gold medal for Morocco.  You go, girl!

1988 – Seoul

Best American – Florence Griffith Joyner, track and field.  Oh, Flo Jo, you rocked it out with your diva nails and your Diana Ross fro.  Your makeup was impeccable too.  This woman did not come to the games to have fun, she didn’t come to play around. She came to dominate, and you know if she didn’t go home with the medals she wanted, she was going to start kicking shit. 
Best World – Jenny Sjowall, archery, Sweden.  Okay guys, she’s a friend of mine, so naturally, I think she’s the best.  She came in fifth in the women’s archery competition, but if there had been a congeniality award, I am certain she would have won.  Also, secret fact about Swedish Olympian Jenny Sjowall: she has better luck than anyone I’ve ever met.  If you need a winning lotto ticket, have Jenny buy it.

1992 – Barcelona

Best American – Magic Johnson, basketball.  Johnson openly acknowledged in 1991 that he had HIV, which was still, at that point, considered a death sentence.  He did more to provoke discussion about AIDS and “is it okay to play sports/work/hug a co-worker with AIDS?” than probably anyone else in the world, just by being upfront about his disease, and stating that life was going to move on.  His absolute JOY at playing on the Dream Team, and winning gold wasn’t just a moment for that particular Olympics, it was a moment for all Olympics. 
Best World – Derek Redmond, track and field, Great Britain.  In the semi-finals for the 400 meter run, Redmond tore a hamstring.  Despite his injury, he stood up, to complete his lap, to honor the hard work and sacrifices that he and so many in his life had made to get him to that point. Overcome with pain and disappointment, it looked like Redmond was not going to make it to the end until his father came to the track, and putting his arms around his son’s shoulders, helped him cross the finish line. Beautiful.

1996 – Atlanta

Best American – Michael Johnson, track and field.  Hands down.  On paper, and even looking at it as he ran, upright, chest up, shoulders back and arms pumping like the dickens, his style shouldn’t have worked. But it worked, and it was so special that people continue to talk about it, and him. 
Best World – Richard Jewell – A security guard at the games, Jewell is credited for saving countless lives by quickly reporting the suspected pipe bomb and evacuating as many people as possible to safety before it exploded.  His reward?  He was labeled a “person of interest” and skewered by the media and the always-brilliant American public before being cleared.  The FBI did not apologize for nearly a year, and Jewell died tragically young of kidney disease. 

2000 - Sydney

Best American – Venus Williams, tennis. I love both of the Williams sisters, but Venus is unquestionably my favorite. In 2000, she won gold in BOTH singles AND doubles.  And this was just after winning the singles and doubles titles at Wimbledon in July! 
Best World – Eric Moussambani, swimming, Equatorial Guinea.  Watch this video.  If that doesn’t make you want to give an Olympic hopeful all of the cash in your wallet, you are a hard, hard soul.  Apparently not every Olympic in the games is competitive, but obviously the goal is to bring the world together in sport, so if nations can raise the cash, they can send an athlete.  Moussambani had only ever been able to practice on a 25 meter pool (Olympic distance is 50), and as you can see, it was kind of questionable if he was even going to make it.  But his triumphant spirit helped him through, and more importantly, the crowd, and the world, realized that THIS was why we watched the games.

2004 – Athens

Best American – Mariel Zagunis, fencing.  Who cares about fencing?  All of America, when this 19 year-old, who got into the Olympics because Nigeria decided not to send their qualifying athlete, stormed to gold.  She was also the flag-bearer for the United States in this year’s London Olympics.  You know who votes for flag bearer?  The other athletes.  So she seems like an ass-kicker both in fencing and in niceness. 
Best World – Vanderlei de Lima, marathon, Brazil.  In a turn of events conceivable only in the movies, de Lima was leading the men’s marathon at about the 19 mile mark when he was GRABBED and DRAGGED INTO THE CROWD by – I am not even lying here – an IRISH PRIEST!  Why? Who knows.  But de Lima was able to recover and take the bronze.  That takes some freaking guts. 

2008 – Beijing

Best American – Michael Phelps, swimming – I realize that I am sort of unnecessarily obsessed with Phelps’s underbite, lateral lisp, and angry eyebrows, but aside from all of that, this guy has the eye of the tiger.  His rebel yell after the men beat the French in the 4 x 100 free is one of the most pure moments in sport (two fist pounds and a peace sign to Jason Lezak for winning that thing).  USA! USA!
Best World – Usain Bolt, Jamaica, track and field.  The dude had enough power to set a world record with an untied shoelace and an early celebration in the 100 meter, and set another record in a headwind in the 200. His relay team also took gold.  The Lord loves a winner.  I might have just made that up.  I’m sure it’s true, though.      
Medal of Honor: Shawn Crawford, track and field, USA.  Although he came in fourth, Crawford took the silver in the men’s 200 meter sprint after the second and third place finishers were disqualified. Crawford sent his medal to the disqualified second-place finisher with a note saying that he didn’t deserve the medal.  Seriously.  You go, kiddo.