Mess

I don’t talk much about my job, because it is totally awesome, and I love it. I like my coworkers, I love my company, I do interesting work, my office is close to home, and I have a parking spot in a covered garage. No complaints, see?

Except.

I work on a floor that is filled with approximately one million people, most of them strangers. On our floor, we have a big, wonderful kitchen area, with two microwaves, three glass-fronted fridges, some sort of deluxe coffee-maker, an icemaker and water dispenser, and a sink with a garbage disposal. I am a huge fan of garbage disposals, so this is a big deal for me. This is an excellent setup, which is why I have no earthly idea why some freaks continually insist on making it as filthy as possible, and then leaving their mess behind.

And just so you don’t think I am some anal-retentive nutjob who needs everything to be ruler-measured and perpendicular (I am, but that is beside the point), here is what I mean by mess:

1. Crumbs left in and around toaster (did I mention we have a toaster? We have a toaster!)
2. Things exploded in microwave (usually things that are brown) and left there to form hard crust
3. Drips of coffee, soup, goulash, etc. left on counters
4. Trails of coffee left on floors like bleeding wound from stabbing victim
5. Spilled salt, sugar and powdered creamer or… cake mix? Not sure.
6. Stir sticks left on counter
7. Things splattered all over inside of sink (e.g., entire bottle of ketchup) and not washed down the drain
8. Ice from awesome ice dispenser callously spilled on floor and abandoned to become river of water on floor
9. Weird, empty bottle of prescription saline, like to flush a medical port or something, left on counter next to microwave

In other words, our kitchen looks like a crack house. Now, I have never actually seen anyone leaving this mess, but that just leads me to believe that THE PEOPLE LEAVING THE MESS KNOW IT’S WRONG, AND ONLY DO IT WHEN THEY THINK NO ONE IS WATCHING. That, my friends, is the lowest of the low. What kind of grown adults make a mess, and consciously decide, “I simply work too hard to clean up after myself. Therefore, I will allow my co-workers to do it for me. Alternately, I will wish and hope that there are cleaning fairies that come in the dark of night, and take this mess away.”

I have news for you: there is no cleaning fairy. There is just a sad, confused, freaked-out co-worker who is getting twitchier every moment. And she doesn’t understand if your motivations are evil, if you need some sort of training on basic cleanny-uppy skills, or if you just don’t care about where you work and who you work with enough to grab a paper towel (we totally have a paper towel dispenser hanging right there on the wall!) and clean up after yourself.

All I want is for people to treat their workplace the same way – no, better - than they would treat their own home. Throw away your garbage. Wipe down the counters. Try to keep things organized. I am not asking you to spend your Saturday with a toothbrush and a can of Comit, making the thing sparkle. I am asking you to perform basic functions of human decency. Too much to ask? Nah.