Scan, baby, scan

Here is something I never wanted to admit, but here goes: Several weeks after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, I said these words to my friend Dara, “I am glad that George Bush is President and not Al Gore.”

Let me explain.

A week or so after the attack, I was sitting on my back porch in the early evening, looking at the beautiful blue sky, and watching my third-grade son playing in the back yard. He was playing quietly, and I was watching quietly, because our world was scared, and subdued, and nobody was even sure if having fun felt okay. A plane passed overhead, and as it passed, I panicked for a moment. It sounded loud. It sounded close. And I lived in a world where, at any moment, another plane could be overtaken by madmen and used as a weapon. It could happen anywhere at any time. And I thought to myself, “My son will not grow up in the happy, safe world in which I grew up. Things will never be the same.” I remained really depressed about that for a long time – for the fear and the caution that I felt would always be a part of my son’s life.

I didn’t want a President who was going to be understanding, or conciliatory, or diplomatic. I didn’t want a President who tried to find a way around this unbelievable situation through talking or shaking hands, or meeting with high government ministers. And I believed Al Gore to be just that sort of measured, intelligent, high-minded person. Instead, I wanted someone who felt the same way as I did: terrified, angry, shocked, and ready to make sure that something like that never happened again. I thought Al Gore was too much of a statesman, and that George Bush seemed more like a dad who wanted to protect his kids. I wanted that one. The second one. And that’s so hard for me to say, because George Bush really was lousy at a lot of things that I don’t want to get into, but he did a good job of just being a human when this terrible thing happened.

This is what I think of every time someone objects to the idea of full-body scanners or pat-downs at the airport. How terrible things were following September 11th. How we all just wanted to feel safe, and protected and normal again. How the idea of our own personal autonomy was absolutely nothing compared to the needs of our country - a country that was in mourning.

Our Constitution allows us to limit our rights if their limitation contributes to the health, safety or welfare of the people. This can be confusing sometimes, but it makes sense when you think about how we regularly allow the police to frisk suspected criminals to protect themselves and passersby from getting shot, or how we allow schools to post signs that say, “No weapons within 1000 feet” or how we allow cities to create ordinances that prohibit paroled pedophiles from going near playgrounds. The logic behind this is that we, as a society, are willing to give up our right to walk down the street without getting frisked, or carry a gun wherever we want, or allow people to go to all public places as long as it protects our society as a whole. That’s exactly the purpose of the new scanning technology. YES, it’s invasive. YES, it’s inconvenient. YES, it could be embarrassing (but not for me – even my bones look awesome!) But guess what? Its purpose is for the greater good. To protect us from some fucking lunatic – a lunatic that you can’t even imagine because NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT THINK THE WAY LUNATICS DO - from trying to do the next terrible thing. People have put box cutters on their bodies and bombs in their shoes and underwear. They do not stop, and they use the same methods over and over. If you don’t believe me, look up how many car bombings have occurred this year. The purpose of the scanners is to protect you and to protect me, and to protect the sacred memory of the people who died on September 11th.

So, I would like all of you people who are whining about invasion of privacy and inappropriate touching and George Soros to shut up and think about your country. Think about your children, and what you would do to protect them. Think about how, sometimes, we have to give something up in order to make us all feel a little bit safer. Think about how your body really isn’t that great and how nobody is all that interested in looking at it. And remember those weeks and months after September 11th, and how you just wanted to feel safe again.

I don’t want to see more Americans lose their lives to terrorism. I would hate to see that happen because some asshole is afraid that his extremely uninteresting penis will be fondled, or because some person with a camera thinks he’s doing something for America by protesting this. But I’m scared that people are more interested in protecting their personal right to be offended than protecting their fellow citizens. Ultimately, the intention of the increased screening is to make us all just a little bit safer. So if you don’t like it, just drive.